I am aware that many experts agree that creative individuals seem prone to suffer from anxiety. Whether its GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) or a specific phobia, it is an albatross.
Luckily for many, this is no longer a dirty secret. Its a condition in which science longs for a better explanation. Many illnesses turn out to be some sort of deficiency and every solution is not a one size fits all.
I was warned not to speak openly about my battles but I find that it can help others. I seem to have a genetic marker for anxiety (which is activated by environment and emotions).
The ebb and flow can be debilitating or a relief. It certainly seems like there is no reason and currently I am seeking an endocrinologist.
So, what happens?
Agoraphobia, or fear of open spaces, has held me back from enjoying the events I once thrived on. Movie theaters, open markets etc. If I am surrounded by many people, I start to feel faint.
As I dissect my behavior, I realize there is a chemical component (hormonal, nervous system exchange), a spiritual and emotional component. That’s square one for any sufferer. Think back to instances that left a bad impression on you. Did someone hurt you? Were you neglected at some point? How did this come over you? Lastly but most importantly, what made you so harsh on yourself?
Like the solution, the cause(s) is individual. This is the only way to begin your healing process.
Anxiety can cause a host of health problems like high blood pressure and a precursor to heart disease. Its very strenuous for your body to be in a constant state of worry and shame.
A good counselor can also be helpful. You want to make sure that they’re not too dismissive or condescending. Friends may feel burdened when you bring up your phobias but a specialist is not only paid to listen but may enjoy your company. (That’s what I like to tell myself anyway).
If you’re a creative type, you may totally understand the concept of “burning both ends”. Yes, it can be terribly fun but pace yourself and take one day at a time.
As you move along on your healing process, it is important you are not alone. No one is.
We will get through this.